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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23219797">This is Obviously Torture!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheadinthecoudsnotcomingdown/pseuds/myheadinthecoudsnotcomingdown'>myheadinthecoudsnotcomingdown</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Megamind (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Gen, Hal can't take a hint, Hal is a "nice guy", Hal won't take no for an answer, Megamind is a good friend, Megamind is not as evil as he says he is, Pre-Slash, how many good things can we do while pretending they're evil?, so basically canon behavior for him, torture is used loosely</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:02:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23219797</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheadinthecoudsnotcomingdown/pseuds/myheadinthecoudsnotcomingdown</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxanne would rather be kidnapped than have to spend one more minute around Hal.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Megamind &amp; Minion, Megamind &amp; Roxanne Ritchi, Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi, Metro Man &amp; Roxanne Ritchi, Minion &amp; Roxanne Ritchi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1050</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This is Obviously Torture!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based off <a href="https://myheadinthecloudsnotcomingdown.tumblr.com/post/613054244533239808/this-comic-by-catnippackets-is-just-too-good-and">this comic </a> by <a href="https://catnippackets.tumblr.com/">catnippackets</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So what do you say, Roxie, wanna go grab a coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne gave a strained smile, “You know Hal um...I’m really busy today and well, these deadlines aren’t going to meet themselves, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Well, I can come over to your place!” Hal leaned in just a little too close, “Two heads are always better than one!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne pushed him away as gently as she could, she was starting to run out of polite ways to say no, “Umm, thanks for the offer Hal, but I concentrate better alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least let me walk you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why wouldn’t he just take a hint, “Actually, I think I left my favorite pen back in the studio and it might take a while to find it. Just go ahead and go home, Hal, don’t worry about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t have anything to do tonight, so I’ll just wait for you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t have to do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne grimaced and headed into the studio. She didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> a favorite pen. Maybe if she took long enough, he’d just get bored and go home? No, knowing Hal he’d probably get worried and come inside to look for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice Minion until she was almost running into him. Her eyes widened and she saw him smile before she got a face full of knock-out spray. Well, at least it was better than the forget-me-stick.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Sir? She’s waking up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect Minion, good work!” Megamind put on the perfect evil smirk that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally</span>
  </em>
  <span> hadn’t practiced in the mirror that morning. “Ah, Miss Ritchi! We meet again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Megamind!” Roxanne slumped in relief, “Thank goodness!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea how exhausting it is to be around Hal all the time!” She groaned. “He keeps asking me out and he literally cannot take a hint. I had to make up some stupid story about losing a pen just to get a moment of peace and if Minion hadn’t picked me up when he had, I really don’t know what I would have done because he was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>waiting</span>
  </em>
  <span> for me to come out again even though I’d already told him to go home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He what?” Wasn’t Hal Roxanne’s co-worker? If he spent so much time with her, shouldn’t he be able to tell when she was uncomfortable? Even Megamind knew how Roxanne acted when she was uncomfortable and he was only around her while she was tied to a chair, it’s not like she was subtle when something was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So yeah!” Roxanne grinned, “What’s the plan for today? Lasers? Spikes? How are your alligators doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megamind glanced over at Minion, who looked horrified and gestured for him to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>something, but what was he supposed to do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Umm, are you ok?” He said finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, I’m fine just do your thing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But…” Megamind looked at her again. She really shouldn’t be this excited about being kidnapped by the local supervillain. “Maybe we should just call it a day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Now Roxanne was starting to get angry. “Why are you making this so weird?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uh-oh, he didn’t want to make her angry, but she’d obviously had a very difficult day, so the lasers were out. She wanted him to do his supervillain thing? That’s it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megamind clapped his hands together, “Change of plans! Today we’ll be trying a brand new form of torture, highly experimental mind you. I’m honestly not sure you’ll ever be the same after this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne shot him a look, “I think I can handle it. What is this new torture you have in store?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megamind grinned, “Laughter!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne laughed, “What? How is that torture?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, we are going to watch stupid comedies until your stomach muscles are shriveled up like a raisin.” Megamind said in mock-seriousness. “You won’t be able to sit up straight for days, no! Weeks!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds absolutely terrible, sir.” Minion said as Roxanne shook her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> Minion. It’s the worst thing that could ever happen!” Megamind’s mouth was twitching as he tried to keep a straight face. “Oh, and Minion. Go pick up three Hawaiian pizzas!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is pizza torture?” Roxanne asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s got </span>
  <em>
    <span>pineapple </span>
  </em>
  <span>on it, Miss Ritichi.” Megamind answered. “Obviously, forcing you to eat pineapple on a pizza is cruel and unusual punishment!” It definitely wasn’t because he knew Hawaiin was one of her favorites. Definitely not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously.” Roxanne smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, the best place for such an advanced form of torture will be the couch, but unfortuately our set-up is not </span>
  <em>
    <span>optomitrized</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have your hands tied like our favorite chair here is, so I’m going to untie you, but only,” he paused and leaned over her for dramatic effect, ignoring how close she was as he reached around her to undo the knots, “if you promise not to escape. So what do say, Miss Ritchi? Are you going to run away or endure the torture?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne smirked and Megamind wondered if hearts in his species were supposed to miss beats like that, “I think I can handle torture by now, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megamind gulped and straightened as he finished untying her. He reached for her hand to help her up, then remembered to grab her wrist instead at the last minute, “Perfect, Miss Ritchi. Now right this way…”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Roxanne hadn’t even known Minion was capable of eating an entire pizza in one sitting. And it was hilarious to listen to Megamind’s insane leaps in logic as he tried to justify a movie night as torture. She also hated to admit that he had excellent taste in comedy and had actually followed through on his threat to give her sore abs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The credits to the third movie of the night rolled and she almost wished she could just stay here rather than going back to work with Hal tomorrow. How insane was it that she’d rather spend time with the local supervillain than her law-abiding co-worker that didn’t have over 80 life sentences?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Miss Ritchi,” Megamind sighed, “it is getting rather late so perhaps it would be best if I call your ride….um, your rescuer!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne giggled, she was kinda tired, “Yes, I’m sure Metro Man has just been going insane with worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megamind nodded seriously, “Well, unfortunately Metro Man does not know his way to my evil lair, and it’s a cliche place for a rescue anyway. Minion? Please let Metro Man know that tonight’s epic showdown will be at the park!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The park?” Roxanne smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” Megamind said. “It’s chilly out and you don’t have a jacket, so it’s absolutely despicable of me to take you for a walk around the park as we wait for Metro Man to rescue you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Roxanne agreed. “Lead the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was really the perfect night, the cool breeze a refreshing break from the summer heat. The stars were bright and Roxanne wondered how far Megamind and Metro Man had had to travel to get to earth. She’d gathered that neither of them really remembered much about their home worlds, but she was still curious about what those worlds had been like and if they would have been happy if they’d stayed. Would they still have been destined rivals? Would they have even ever met?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Ritchi?” Megamind pulled her from her thoughts. “Are you doing better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxanne didn’t answer immidatly, instead, “That torture was terrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Megamind stopped walking and looked at her concerned. “I’m sorr…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much more effective than some of your usual methods.” She said quickly. “You’ll have to bring that one back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megamind smiled softly, “Of course, Miss Ritchi, I’ll be sure we do that again sometime.” He looked up and saw Metro Man flying toward them at a leisurely pace. “Ah, it appears that your white knight has arrived!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unhand her, you fiend!” Metro Man’s challenge was quieter than usual due to the late hour and the lack of audience, but he still managed to sound convincing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never!” Megamind reached for his dehydration gun, but was too slow. Metro Man gave him a solid punch to the jaw that was enough to launch him back a few yards, but not enough to knock him out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright Roxie?” Metroman scooped her up and hovered a few feet in the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced back at Megamind who was laying on the grass looking dazed. She smiled and mouthed a quick </span>
  <em>
    <span>thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He nodded and collapsed back, finally succumbing to unconsciousness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned back to Metro Man, “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go home.”</span>
</p>
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